Within the month of July, I plan to post the first game review I’ve written in a long time. I used to work with a standard 1-10 review scale, but it’s time I changed that. As I discussed in my previous post, I don’t think it’s necessary to precisely rank each game I play. Rather than mull over whether a game I like should receive an 8 or an 8.5, I want to focus on why I do or do not enjoy it. I want to emphasize that my reviews are solely my experiences with each game, not the final word on how good (or not) they are.
To that end, I decided on a simple tier of recommendations. Each review I write will conclude with “Not Recommended,” “Recommended,” or “Highly Recommended,” followed by a brief summary of my thoughts and who I think it would appeal to. In addition to the main body of the review, I will include two smaller sections. They will be called “Presentation” and “Does it Work?”. They are so that I can focus on whether a game is polished from a presentation perspective as well as point out any glitches or other issues present in a game.
As an example of what my game reviews will look like, here is a review of the underwear I have on right now:
Hanes Men’s Boxer Briefs
Anybody who wears clothes has probably heard of Hanes. A common clothing brand, they make t-shirts, socks, and much more. But I’m here to talk about their underwear, specifically boxer briefs. Given Hanes’ large presence, one would expect good things from these boxers. But do these briefs hold up? Let’s take a look.
In a word, yes. They do hold up, thanks to an elastic waistband. It’s a standard feature, I know, but one worth noting. Think of what life would be like if we didn’t have elastic waistbands. Who wants to spend all that money on underwear belts? And what about the sensation you get when pull on an elastic band and let it snap back to your waist? I bet there are people with a fetish for that. How would they get their fix, huh? It’s clear Hanes understands these needs well, because the elastic is great. I’ve owned this particular pair of briefs for a few years, and the waistband feels as good as new.
The quality elastic is but one piece of these briefs’ excellent design. In a clever move, no tutorial is required. Instead, the user is trusted to figure out how to wear the briefs through subtle visual cues. There is the main hole at the top for the waist, of course. The bottom end, however, features two holes. I’m sure some users will assert that the briefs should explain this, but I argue otherwise. Just think about it. It’s simple. The two holes are below the waistband. And what’s below the human waist? Legs. Two of them. Therefore, the holes must be meant for legs! To arrive at this conclusion myself made me feel smart, which is the hallmark of great design. Plus, it helps that to wear them is as simple as slipping them over my legs and letting the elastic do its work. There is no over-complicated user interface to be found here. Thanks to Hanes’ design, These briefs are intuitive and fun to use.
That said, I did find one significant problem in their design: there’s an intentional gap in the cloth at the front, called a fly. Don’t get me wrong. I understand why it’s there. It’s so that we men can pee and not have to unbuckle our belts. It’s just that, as a man who abstains from urinals and standing to pee in general, I don’t need the fly. I find the choice to include it on all men’s underwear to be non-inclusive. Doesn’t Hanes realize there are men like me? Don’t I have the right to buy underwear that fits my lifestyle choices? I hope that Hanes will make earnest steps in the future to be more socially conscious and inclusive with their products.
Despite this, Hanes’ boxer briefs are outstanding. They’re comfortable, easy to use, and probably look great under my pants. It’s easy to return to them time and time again. Before I realized it, I had invested several hundred hours in them. That’s more than Skyrim! They were much cheaper than Skyrim, too. Suffice it to say Hanes brand boxer briefs are an incredible deal nobody should miss out on.
For the sake of spoilers, I can’t get too specific. But don’t expect bright colors and garish patterns. Everyone has different tastes, but I’m glad that Hanes chose a subdued color that doesn’t offend. As a bonus, they are quite comfortable. They feel so good that I often forget I’m wearing them.
Also, Hanes deserves praise for the impressive technology behind their briefs. Everybody knows that clothing clips very easily, to the point that it feels impossible to prevent. Just look at this screenshot from Bloodborne…
See how that cape clips through his blunderbuss and robe? Gross!
Hanes went the extra mile and figured out how to solve this issue. The advanced cloth they use collides with my body correctly, never clipping through to expose skin in unwanted places.
Does it Work?
In my extensive time with these briefs, I’ve never had a single problem with their function. The only potential issue that comes to mind is the fly that I mentioned before. Somebody could snag their foot in it and fall over. Thankfully, it’s a very difficult mistake to make. I doubt it will be an issue for anyone.
Hanes brand boxer briefs look great, feel great, and boast impressive design and technology. I recommend them to any men who like their underwear simple and effective. Well-endowed men in particular will love the absence of clipping.
See? I told you there was no clipping. Sorry, ladies.
My first review using this format will be of Hollow Knight. It’s an awesome game and I can’t wait to write about it. I’m open to any constructive feedback on my review format, so please let me know what you think! Thanks.